So I could try to convince you that the reason that I haven't posted in a month was because I was on vacation, but really that was just a small part of the laziness and disinterest-in-being-inside that has characterized my entire summer. But as I am back, desperately trying to shake off that sense of wanting to do nothing, and simultaneously trying not to FREAK OUT that there is so much to do, I thought saying hello y'all would be a great and balanced act of denial to fill out my day today.
Also, I want to give a shout out to the dozens of people that I visited while on my vacation who informed me that they are ACTUALLY READING this, which on one level makes me FILLED WITH JOY and on another, shamed enough to want to get my act together and post something worth you clicking over. So welcome, clandestine readers who include some old, old friends, the parents of those old, old friends and some former ministers. I will now write with much more purpose knowing you are part of my audience.
But for now, let me share with you something that has taken on great meaning for me recently. And made me seriously consider changing my career from ministry to "amazingly-inane-and-yet-somehow-addictively-awesome jingle composer":
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
Important Things to Consider When Writing a Guidebook
I should start by admiting that I've kind of always wanted to be a guidebook writer, as they get paid to go on vacation all the time and then come back write about it, which sounds like basically the opposite of any other vocation in which one works most of the time and goes on vacation sometimes. Sweet deal, right? But I digress. The true point of this post is to express some thoughts I have about how these incredibly lucky professionals do a more effective job and save us from getting killed.
For example, perhaps they might see fit to mention that the bike route which they suggested we take is completely devoid of any street signs and thus impossible to traverse without a GPS which I don't have. Had they mentioned this I might have considered taking another route rather than biking aimlessly through the hills, wondering what street I was on. Though this detour gave me the opportunity to note some new developments in above-ground pool technology of the suburbanites all around me, also made me tired and cranky and thirsty. Also, it might have been prudent to note that the fairly major intersection that the book labeled "Clapp's Corner" is actually marked by the town with a giant sign reading "Itchy's Corner." Though my mind is as dirty as the next gal's, I thought for sure that the intuitive connection could not have been so clearly made by the leadership of a stuffy New England township. But I was wrong, and hence, more aimless biking through the suburbs.
Or another example: maybe it might make sense (tell me if I'm going overboard here), if the backpacking guidebook would have mentioned that the trail we chose a few weeks ago was not actually a trail at all, but rather a dry riverbed full of granite boulders over which one had to climb, hand over foot, for several miles.* Though our dog (who you might imagine is built much like a mountain goat) enjoyed this challenge immensely, we bipedal folks weighed down and unbalanced by huge packs thought it not so novel. It also seems as though at least a sidebar or inset box could have been dedicated to the fact that this particular hike, if attempted in the summer, is so infested with mosquitoes that one cannot stop forward momentum for even a second lest one is eaten alive. As you might imagine, the necessity of constant forward motion, up a pile of boulders likely to appear in some dinosaur movies, while carrying all one's provisions on one's back, when it is 90 degrees outside, can cause some of us less rugged travelers a good deal of concern.
Lastly, when describing somewhere in a tropical vacation destination as an opportunity for "nightlife" you may wish to qualify that by dropping in that it happens to be a huge and almost scary meat market for locals....I will likely choose a different dining/entertainment option.
But I know I can't hold you to any of this. What can we expect from folks who are paid to go on vacation? Also, do you have any openings?
*Did I end up doing this for SEVERAL HOURS with a huge backpack on my back? Yes I did. Was I happy about it? No I was not. Was the trail SO difficult that after going for four hours and only making half the progress we expected to make we actually TURNED AROUND AND GAVE UP AND WENT HOME? Yes, yes it was. And did the guidebook fail to mention that the trail we were on was paralleled by another, well groomed, slightly sloping and easy trail that we could have taken? NO IT DID NOT. Was I annoyed that it did find it important enough to mention the different types of trees along the trail, as if I could care about them at all while sweating so heavily that drops of perspiration were falling into my eyes blinding me with salt and fury? Yes I was.
For example, perhaps they might see fit to mention that the bike route which they suggested we take is completely devoid of any street signs and thus impossible to traverse without a GPS which I don't have. Had they mentioned this I might have considered taking another route rather than biking aimlessly through the hills, wondering what street I was on. Though this detour gave me the opportunity to note some new developments in above-ground pool technology of the suburbanites all around me, also made me tired and cranky and thirsty. Also, it might have been prudent to note that the fairly major intersection that the book labeled "Clapp's Corner" is actually marked by the town with a giant sign reading "Itchy's Corner." Though my mind is as dirty as the next gal's, I thought for sure that the intuitive connection could not have been so clearly made by the leadership of a stuffy New England township. But I was wrong, and hence, more aimless biking through the suburbs.
Or another example: maybe it might make sense (tell me if I'm going overboard here), if the backpacking guidebook would have mentioned that the trail we chose a few weeks ago was not actually a trail at all, but rather a dry riverbed full of granite boulders over which one had to climb, hand over foot, for several miles.* Though our dog (who you might imagine is built much like a mountain goat) enjoyed this challenge immensely, we bipedal folks weighed down and unbalanced by huge packs thought it not so novel. It also seems as though at least a sidebar or inset box could have been dedicated to the fact that this particular hike, if attempted in the summer, is so infested with mosquitoes that one cannot stop forward momentum for even a second lest one is eaten alive. As you might imagine, the necessity of constant forward motion, up a pile of boulders likely to appear in some dinosaur movies, while carrying all one's provisions on one's back, when it is 90 degrees outside, can cause some of us less rugged travelers a good deal of concern.
Lastly, when describing somewhere in a tropical vacation destination as an opportunity for "nightlife" you may wish to qualify that by dropping in that it happens to be a huge and almost scary meat market for locals....I will likely choose a different dining/entertainment option.
But I know I can't hold you to any of this. What can we expect from folks who are paid to go on vacation? Also, do you have any openings?
*Did I end up doing this for SEVERAL HOURS with a huge backpack on my back? Yes I did. Was I happy about it? No I was not. Was the trail SO difficult that after going for four hours and only making half the progress we expected to make we actually TURNED AROUND AND GAVE UP AND WENT HOME? Yes, yes it was. And did the guidebook fail to mention that the trail we were on was paralleled by another, well groomed, slightly sloping and easy trail that we could have taken? NO IT DID NOT. Was I annoyed that it did find it important enough to mention the different types of trees along the trail, as if I could care about them at all while sweating so heavily that drops of perspiration were falling into my eyes blinding me with salt and fury? Yes I was.
I Try to Live Every Week Like It's Shark Week
....but it's especially important this week. Because this week it actually is Shark Week. So let's get together and put it all out there this week, following the advice of wise souls such as Tracy Jordan and your friend LIOLI.
 |
| What's that? Do I have a shark hat? Yes. Yes I do. |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)