Raptor or Racket?

Is it at all possible that I am genetically part velociraptor? With retractable claws of murderous capability? Or is it the case instead that the women's hosiery industry is a COMPLETE racket designed to frustrate and bankrupt professional women across the globe? I simply ask because when I put on new nylons for the first time and an immense hole rips through the toe and all the way up to the thigh, I am puzzled as to why a garment designed to be donned foot-first would be unable to withstand the friction of a well-manicured toenail.

And while we're on the topic, who the hell invented nylons anyway?!??! I mean, I understand where tights come from ("Damn, this skirt that my patriarchal, misogynist culture has forced me to wear to feel feminine doesn't actually do anything to keep the lower half of my body warm! In fact, quite the opposite. What's a girl to do?" Tada: tights.). But given that tights in antiquity were surely made from a material like wool, when did we also decide that a paper thin, transparent, rip-prone material would be best suited to replace said tights?

Well, I did a little "research" (READ: searched Wikipedia) where I just found out that Nylon became popular in the 1940s as a replacement for silk when access to silk became limited by our involvement World War II (Japan being among the world's major silk producers.) Turns out the effects of war are more far reaching than one might imagine...

But I digress. The really interesting part was in the section about how Nylon got it's name. I quote: "In 1940, John W. Eckelberry of DuPont stated that the letters "nyl" were arbitrary and the "on" was copied from the suffixes of other fibers such as cotton and rayon. A later publication by DuPont explained that the name was originally intended to be "No-Run" ("run" meaning "unravel"), but was modified to avoid making such an unjustified claim and to make the word sound better." Right. Because it would have been completely unjustified. Because it is the nature of nylon to run. But I'm glad they reconsidered the name while continuing to market a product which makes no sense. Jerks. I may consider swiping you with my velociraptor claws.

None of this, of course, has cleared up my confusion about why we are STILL doing this. Given we have long resolved our issues with our brothers and sisters across the Pacific, is it not possible that we might go back to the old school days when I didn't have to put tape over my toenails in order to get to work on time?




* I also learned that Nylon first appeared in toothbrushes, but can also be used for making rope, parachutes, ballistic fibers (whatever those are), meat wrapping and sausage sheets (which is sometimes what I feel I am using it for on my fat-ankle days...just kidding. I don't really have very fat ankles. But I stand in solidarity with those who do.) But seriously, am I really eating nylon when I have a sausage at Costco? Sick.