Liberal Fundamentalism

I'll tell you one reason I'm pretty excited for the fall. And it's not Pumpkin Spice Lattes (though I do typically allow myself one per season...they are just so gross/unnatural/addictively delicious, are they not?). Anyway what I'm really pumped about is the return of Greek Bible Study.

Last spring, through a strangely serendipitous chain of events, I was invited to attend a study of the Greek New Testament with some VERY conservative, evangelical seminary students. And I decided that my desire to geek out about New Testament Greek trumped my desire to remain at all times within my tiny liberal Protestant Christian bubble. So I went. And it was fairly awesome.

Now this is a group of people whose faith and training has led them to drastically different conclusions about the bible and its meaning than mine have and whose lives are based on some radically different assumptions than my own. (For instance, the idea that there is a devil who is actively involved in nefarious campaigns to thwart our best intentions and ruin our progress toward global Christian domination is not something we discuss regularly in Presbyterian circles. But who knows? Maybe we should!)

Over the course of my involvement in this group, as we discussed a broad range of topics from scriptural authority to women's leadership in the church to the validity of pentecostal experiences, I learned many things. Most prominent among them was the realization that many conservatives are not nearly as unthinking, callous and irrational as liberals often make them out to be. Rather, they are curiously ordinary and well-intentioned people living their lives as best they are able based on a certain set of assumptions about the world. And though I might disagree with those fundamental assumptions, I have learned to recognize that my life is also predicated on a set of assumptions with which they disagree just as heartily.

And so as I prepare to enter the fray of biblical literalism once again this fall, I present here a David Letterman-esque guide to recognizing one's own fundamentalist tendencies, in hopes that it might create not only a few laughs but a softening of our partisan hearts.

How to Tell If You're a Liberal Fundamentalist*

10) If you audibly sigh, curl your lip, or breathe in sharply at any mention of Walmart, you may be a liberal fundamentalist.
9)  If you rely on NPR as your exclusive news source--especially if you refer to its hosts with familiarity ("You know Tom Ashbrook says...")--but judge the partisan bias of Fox News, you might be a liberal fundamentalist.
8) If you live more than 1000 miles from the equator, claim to prioritize purchasing local products but begin each day with a cup of coffee--a crop grown nearly exclusively in equatorial regions--you might be a liberal fundamentalist.
7) If you find yourself even the slightest bit judgy about a woman staying home to raise children, but think it the ultimate statement of liberation, equality and progressive values if a man chooses to do so, you might be a liberal fundamentalist.
6) If you drive a Prius, but mow your lawn with a gas-powered mower, dry your clothes with a gas-powered dryer and regularly travel by fossil-fuel powered airplanes without reflection or hesitation, you might be a liberal fundamentalist.
5) If you have ever considered purchasing a product as ridiculous as organic honey, you might be a liberal fundamentalist. (How can they tell where the bees have been?)
4) If you count yourself as part of the 99% of this nation, but are unwilling to recognize your status as a member of the global 1% (and are likewise unwilling to take steps to equalize your life setting with that of, say, someone living in a hut in Namibia), you may be a liberal fundamentalist.
3) If you think big corporations are ruining America, but have your retirement savings invested in the dividend paying, growth-oriented stocks of big corporations, you might be a liberal fundamentalist.
2) If you think tolerance is the most important value, but are loathe to tolerate Republicans, Libertarians, people who believe God created the earth, people who own guns, people who attend mega-churches, or anyone who read Sarah Palin's biography Going Rogue, you might be a liberal fundamentalist.
1) If an Obama victory is more important to you than Christ's return, you might be a liberal fundamentalist.




*I should be clear, these are not judgments really, but confessions; I am guilty of nearly all of these. 
**I really wanted to include this image as a cover shot, but figured it was a little too much. Hilarious, though, no? I really do love America.