I Love You, Tim McGraw, but Seriously......

So I've been doing a lot of thinking and reading about dying recently.* (Don't worry, nothing is wrong, it's just that I've been realizing what a relevant topic this is to my work as a minister, and though I did do a chaplaincy internship in which I attended to many dying people, I thought some more in-depth thinking about this topic couldn't hurt.) So I picked up On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, one of the classic treatises on the spiritual and emotional condition of the terminally ill. She talks about the various stages of grief and shares interviews with patients she encountered who were actively dying. What an eyeopener it is. Through this and my many experiences with death both personal and professional, I've come to a conclusion which millions of people have probably come to before me but that seemed profound enough to share here: Dying, in reality, isn't anything like it is in country music. And it would be great it we could stop pretending it is.

There are just SO many songs out there (in pop music too, I shouldn't limit my criticism to the country world but it is the easiest to make fun of, so watch out Kris Allen, you're not off the hook) about living like you're going to die. There is always talk of the influx of courage and compassion, of doing everything you've ever wanted to do (skydiving, bullriding, trips to Europe, and so on and so on) of offering forgiveness and love previously denied, and basically wrapping all the loose ends of your life up in a nice beautiful bow. Perhaps the most gregious offernder in this category is the beloved Tim McGraw. I hate to have to say it, as he is one of my favorites, but his song "Live Like You Were Dying" (above), which I LOVE to sing in the car, is, I've concluded now, totally irresponsible. Because dying is not like that. It's actually, mostly, scary as S**T for everyone involved. And there is no skydiving.

From what I know, approaching death in many (most?) cases, involves pain and suffering, anger and despair, denial and frustration and terrible inconveniences like chemo and dialysis and hospitalization and weakness and incontinence and fatigue.....none of which lend themselves to activities like bullriding. In fact, dying is hard and messy work, sometimes done over the long term, sometimes suddenly, but rarely with the reckless abandon the music world seems to associate with this inevitable human condition. Sure, we're all dying. And we should be appreciative of the time we have, and not live in fear or take our lives for granted. But maybe we should be a little more careful about how we characterize death, in sentitivity to those facing it. Sorry, Tim.  (But you do look very good in that video, I will say.)



*Periodically, in the course of my busy work week, I'll think of an idea for a blog post, but do not have time to sit down and work on it that minute. So I write it on a scrap of paper or on my "list" of items to attend to when time is available. I thought nothing of it, then, when last week I wrote "DYING" in capital letters on my to do list which I left next to the computer as a reminder. In his classicly mellow fashion, Mr. L, several days later while we were making dinner, said out of the blue, "So, I saw you were planning on dying." and then continued to stir the risotto. Gotta love that guy.