Some days...

Just saw this on facebook, and it is AWESOME.

Some days, you are riding high, feeling pretty good and cool and like a serious professional adult rockin' the socks off your life.

And some days, you leave a rambling five minute long message on a church visitors answering machine because you don't actually know the church phone number. And then you use the word "disapparate" instead of disappear while talking to an 80 year old man. You will note that disapparate is not actually a word, but rather a magical type of teleportation as described in the fictional series Harry Potter.

And your realize that you are still at least 40% complete 6th grade geek. And that that is okay. Because sometimes geeks grow up to be awesome and hot (see above).

Woulda, Shoulda, Couldn't....Yay!

I am a should-er. Meaning that most of the time I am driven at least as much by what I feel I should do as by what I want to do. Which means that I constantly walk around carrying a crushing load of guilt about things I should be doing. At any time, I could have an entire list of "shoulds" rattling around in my head which might go something like this:

I should do more cultural things like go to plays....
I should get a doctoral degree...
I should call that person who I'm not that into, but who I still feel obligated to call...
I should watch all the movies nominated for the Academy Award for Best Picture for the last 5 years*....
I should do more cultural things like go to art museums....
I should learn all the names of the Presidents of the United States**...
I should learn to knit...
I should try that new (fill in basically ANYTHING here: restaurant, bar, mini-golf course)...
I should get all my college girlfriends together for an all-girls weekend....
I should start my own small business...
I should start a small business to name other people's small business***.....
I should do more cultural things like go to the symphony....
I should get involved in local politics....
I should bake my own dog biscuits....
It goes on and on and on......

Does all this mean that I do these things instead of just feel guilty about NOT doing them? Sometimes.**** But not enough to make it worth feeling guilty all the time.

But luckily, I have just recently gained insight into a potent combination of circumstances that I am hopeful will cure Should Syndrome entirely: Moving to somewhere where nothing is happening while drastically decreasing my disposable income! Having just moved from "the Hub" to a much smaller city where I know very few people and having just gone from three household incomes to one, I have noticed a marked decrease in my Shoulda Syndrome. Probably because there are way fewer things that I should do! Fewer restaurants to try, fewer people to see, fewer cultural activities to feel bad about missing....and no money to enjoy them anyway! It's amazing!

For any of your should-ers out there, you might consider trying it out. In fact, I am seriously thinking of moving to a town with 8 people and quitting work entirely in order to watch the grass grow and feel totally at peace. In fact, maybe I should market this idea......



* Despite the fact that I know from experience that I always hate critically acclaimed movies of any kind. I'm more of an Ace-Ventura-Harry-Potter-Hot-Tub-Time-Machine kinda girl, even though I hate to admit it. 
**I have been working on this forever, but can't seem to ever get past Pierce. 
***  Seriously. I am AWESOME at naming businesses. Just ask my friend EDJ. He will tell you how awesome I am. If you have an idea for a business, send it along.
**** See previous posts on making jam, cheese, tonic, etc.

Start Me Up

This is a really hilarious cartoon, from a very strange website about how to date: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-best-questions-for-first-dates/

So as it turns out, "Start Me Up" by the Rolling Stones* is a hugely inappropriate song, something I never thought about until just now when I tried to look it up online while in the church office without first turning the volume down on my laptop. There are days when I live in fear that someone will discover that I am, in fact, the worst pastor in the world.

Anyway, what I actually wanted to say is that it turns out starting up at a new congregation is kind of like starting to date someone new. Actually, let me be more clear: starting up at a new congregation is exactly like starting to date someone new.

Anyone who has ever been in even a quasi-long term relationship can surely remember those first few weeks and months of togetherness with their beloved. Can you remember it? Back before you knew anything of your lover's frustrating habits or idiosyncratic ticks or odd family traditions? Back before you had ever argued about the same thing 3,000 times or constantly "forgotten" to do the thing the other asked you to do 78,000 times? Remember that? When it was just the two of you and a world of possibility (and maybe even making out)? They were the days in which you got butterflies in your stomach by simply seeing the person, spent forever picking out outfits to wear on your dates**, laughed at all of each other's jokes, and secretly daydreamed about what you might name your children while simultaneously living in fear that it won't work out and also constantly feeling slightly awkward. Only much later is it possible to look back on these days and laugh at all you didn't know about each other and all the wildly unique and frustrating personality quirks you tried desperately to hide from each other, even though they may have come to be the things you love the most about one another. And you can feel thankful for how far you have come (if not a little annoyed that your partner probably doesn't dress up all that much for you any more, but usually just wears pajamas around all the time, except when going to dinner on your birthday. Sorry, Mr. L).

Arriving at a new church as the minister is, in a very strange way, a lot like that. As I go about these first weeks of a new pastorate, I am noticing something very similar happening. I am on my best behavior. I suddenly wear suits on Sunday. I spend loads more time on my sermon. I am charming and engaging and never impatient and will talk ad nauseum to anyone who stops by for no reason. I say, "Me too!" and "Oh, really?" and "That is so interesting" way too much.  I am nervous before each Sunday starts about how I'll do. I have yet to do any of the things that would demonstrate my weaknesses, such as snap at people or swear or complain or wear jeans to work or write a crappy sermon because I just wanted to spend Saturday lounging around in my sweatpants watching "The Tudors." In short, I want them to like me. And now doing this for the second time, I realize that the converse is also true. They want me to like them too. Everyone seems so positive and functional. There seems to be very little of the high drama that usually characterizes the management of a human institution. Everyone has stopped by to "help out."And everything seems just perfect. But I know better. I know that things are not perfect, they never could be. There will be conflicts and frustrations and people who drive me BONKERS*** and who I want to scream about later to Mr. L. But by then, it will be too late. I will be their pastor. And they will be the people I pastor. And we will have kinda fallen in love in a non-creepy way and even the things they do that drive me nuts will make me care for them and blog about them and remember them forever.

I think I'll still wait to sing them "Start Me Up," though........



* The album cover is also quite weird and is a furry foot in a stiletto. Just wanted you to know.
**I recently reconnected with an old college roommate who I happened to live with for the few months around the time I started dating Mr. L. While catching up back and forth on Facebook, I told her I was married and described Mr. L. She said, "Oh yeah, that guy. I remember when you went on your first date with him and five minutes beforehand you were tearing clothes out of drawers and throwing them around and screaming because you couldn't figure out what to wear. Glad it worked out." Go figure.
*** Strange and somewhat not helpful lesson I've learned from pastoring: It's never the people you're worried about who end up giving you hell. It's always completely different people who come out of the woodwork to ruin your life. The people who you immediately notice and worry about usually turn out to be mostly innocuous. I'm trying to think of some great metaphor to describe this that includes laser tag, but it's the end of the day and my metaphor-producing brain sector is worn out already.

Newness

You may notice the hip new layout of WUJ, a bit of flair for the new year. You may also notice some new cool elements, such as the sidebar to the right with recipes I've been trying lately....check 'em out!

Goodbye MOs

Have you ever noticed how many ways of saying goodbye there are? I hadn't thought much about it until I had occasion to say goodbye to nearly everyone I have known in the last five years. Other than being another exercise in letting other people down, it was a fascinating window into the status of my relationships with various folks. Here are some top favorites:

• The gut-wrenching-really-really-sad-I'm-leaving-this-friendship-has-changed-my-life goodbye which often involves the exchanging of super precious and touching gifts* and tears. 
• But there's also the so-glad-to-have-the-opportunity-to-exit-this-friendship-because-actually-I'm-not-that-into-you-but-not-so-much-so-that-I-would-have-broken-up-with-you-because-that-would-be-awkward goodbye which you can reserve for folks who you are not that sad about leaving which usually is awkward in that it feels as though it should be emotional but isn't. 
• And then there is the sorry-we-never-actually-fulfilled-the-potential-of-having-a-relationship goodbye which can be saved for neighbors and other people who you never got to know, but who seemed okay.
• There is also the I-am-so-so-so-happy-I'm-leaving-this-relationship/work situation/commitment/whatever-but-I-will-try-to-mask-my-joy-so-it-won't-be-so-awkward-for-you goodbye reserved for jobs you hated or "extra-curriculars" that had taken over your life with no exit strategy except moving across the country.
• Sometimes you can be surprised by the oops-I-miscalculated-how-good-of-friends-we-were-and-didn't-prepare-the-appropriate-goodbye-strategy goodbye which is usually accompanied by surprising proclamations of how you completely changed someone's life whose name you had trouble even remembering. 
• And then there is the sorry-I'm-ruining-your-life-by-leaving goodbye which is a small part of every single goodbye you say when leaving a church.

I employed all these (and combinations of them) as I took my leave from the East last month. And maybe even some others I didn't think of here. But if I missed you, then I offer to you a so-sorry-we-didn't-get-a-chance-to-say-goodbye-and-now-I-am-offering-an-expost-facto-electronic-goodbye-which-is-a-bit-awkward goodbye!

*My amazingly talented friend actually crocheted for us two guardian angels for our trip cross country, based on her intimate knowledge of my obsession with YouTube stuff like this. Here they are just waiting to cross the nation:

How cool is THAT? I love having talented friends! Love you DRJ!

2012

Hey! Happy New Year readers! Hopefully you are holed up somewhere eating fattening snacks, watching football and enjoying this New-Years-Day-On-A-Sunday-Means-Monday-Is-Also-A-Holiday phenomenon. I, for one, definitely plan to watch my Alma mater in the Rose Bowl later today, despite the fact that one of my Christmas gifts this year was a cold that has made me feel as though I am being run over by a Mack truck each morning about 7.

I just cringed when I logged in and realized that it's been an entire month since I posted here. But in my own defense I have been a little busy. Doing what, you ask? Well, I've been busy turning my entire life upside down and shaking it like a snow globe. Oh and celebrating the birth of Jesus and all that jazz.  Here is a not-so-brief summary of my activities this last month:

-Said goodbye to everyone I know in Boston which involved intermittent weeping and gnashing of teeth.
-Ate at all my favorite Boston restaurants "one last time" or maybe five "last times" in the case of the Indian restaurant across the street which I now worry with go bankrupt without our bi-weekly take-out order.
-Finished teaching my classes just four days before departing, including administering and grading 48 final exams, reading 45 final essays and responding to a multitude of fairly pathetic last-minute excuse making by students who didn't do anything the entire term but are surprised to know they aren't doing well.
-Wrapped up the loose ends from my work at the church including trying to do planning for next year, finishing all the administrative projects that have been "on my list" for the last two years, continuing to lead the celebration of Advent with a modicum of intention and presence and oh, saying good bye to all the people I have completely fallen in love with there and will miss tremendously. More weeping and gnashing of teeth.
-Packed everything we own into a P.O.D. while deflecting waves of angst about whether 1) all of our things would be tossled around said P.O.D. and broken and crushed or 2) this was actually a huge scam and they were actually going to auction off said P.O.D. on storage wars and we would never see our stuff again.
-Slept on an Aerobed in our empty and cold apartment for three days with our increasingly anxious dog. (WOOF=Where'sallOfOurFreakin'stuff?)
-Preached in worship on my last Sunday in MA. Received many gracious and touching gifts (and then selfishly worried where we would put them given that our P.O.D. had already left.) Immediately went out for cocktails with my co-worker and his partner.
-Loaded up way more stuff than we had planned for into our car including anxious dog and departed at 6 a.m. the next morning with only one false start (to return and search for my travel mug lid which I thought fell out of the car) and minimal weeping (okay not so minimal).
-Drove to Oregon. (Damn, those great plains states are so great....as in, why is Nebraska so damn big? And Wyoming? Whose ever even heard of Wyoming?)
-Moved in with the in-laws on December 22.
-Led Christmas Eve service at the new church on December 24 with all the usual first-day awkwardness of not knowing how anything works (where is the microphone? who gives the announcements?) with an added sprinkle of new-visitor awkwardness,which just basically means it was really awkward.
-In a twist of calendrial irony, led worship again on December 25, Christmas this year having landed on a Sunday. It was slightly less awkward this time.
-Opened some cool presents which Mr. L and I bought for each other on December 23.
-Got Mack truck cold. And a new bank account, new license plates, new drivers' licenses, a realtor and a mortgage broker.
-Planned a funeral.
-Conducted both worship and funeral on New Years Day while continuing to suffer from Mack Truck cold and waves of awkwardness.

So, you can see why I am laying low today, hoping Mr. L will make his delicious football watching cheesy-bread-bowl-of-diabetes-and-heart-failure. And why I am hoping to have a more balanced 2012, in which I can have a bit of breathing room for blogging!