Sorry I haven't been writing. But I've been too busy being liberal to do too much of everything else.
At first, I thought liberalism was going to be so liberating (these words have the same route, even, as you can see). But now, like any other subtle but attractive cult, it is taking over my life. And I just don't have time for anything else. Because being liberal is a full time job.
A few weeks ago, I went to the store in order to buy a bar of soap*. I went to Whole Foods, of course, as that is where I usually shop, it being the closest and "best"** grocery store in the liberal town in which I live. So I went to the soap aisle and there tried to apply the liberal lessons imparted to me by such helpful friends as Michael Moore, Al Gore, Moveon.org and Jesus. Lesson such as:
- A liberal person must help the environment.
- Oil is bad.
- Chemicals are even worse.
- Packaging, which is likely plastic and made from oil, is THE WORST.
- Liberals support LOCAL businesses, NOT big corporations.
- Liberals support businesses that advocate for fair labor practices.
All of this felt very good until I found the one I wanted and noted that it cost $7.******
With a sense of horror, I realized that my liberal values were about to contradict each other. Because I also have other lessons imparted to me by liberal notables such as the Apostle Paul, Thomas Merton, and the Buddha, who have said CRAZY liberal things such as:
- One must be a good steward of one's resources.
- One should use one's resources to help the poor and marginalized, not to glorify oneself.
- Buying a bar of soap for $7 is ridiculous.*******
After spending probably 5 minutes considering my options, I did what any rational person trying to express her values in the modern world would do: I left. And just didn't get any soap. And I waited for Mr.LIOLI to buy soap for himself and then chided him about not "fulfilling our values" when he came home with a 2-pack of Dove soap that cost $1.50. (No seriously, this is what I did.)
Now multiply the time it took me to come to this conclusion by the number of activities in my day (Should I get the organic carrots or the conventionally yet locally grown carrots? Do I get the recycled thank you note cards, even if they are also the Target-brand ones that will save trees but perpetuate a corporate empire? Do I get the French Roast selection at the coffee shop or the Ethiopian blend? Which is closer, France or Ethiopia? Am I oppressing people in Ethiopia by buying their coffee? Or helping them?) , and you can understand why I haven't had time to write.
I could go on and on and on.....but I just realized we're out of spray cleaner, so I need to log off.......
*This is a completely true story that can be corroborated by Mr. LIOLI who appreciated by attempt to express my values but was also annoyed that there was no soap.
**I have a love-hate relationships with Whole Foods, though it is where I shop regularly. (It is the closest store to my home.) I also feel so GOOD shopping there, like I'm saving the world with each $6 grapefruit. But the hypocrisy of it sometimes get to me, especially when Mr. L points out that it too is a giant corporation trying to get my money, one which if it was called something else that began with W and ended with ALMART I would go to rallys to protest. Plus. they don't things like Diet Coke and Quaker Instant Oatmeal. And their recycled Aluminum Foil isn't worth the powder to blow it up. Uh-oh. War metaphor. So not liberal...
***I have no idea what "Parabens" actually are, though I once looked it up on Wikipedia and decided that someone made it up. I pretend it means either "Chemicals Made from Baby Bunny Fur" or "Republican Campaign Donations" and feel good that my soap company endorses neither of these things. Liberals, as you may know, love to eliminate things from their lives that they didn't even know were bad for them or would never have cared about.
**** A phrase I am 100% sure has no basis at all other than that the people who make said soap are also liberal.
*****This is not true.
******This IS true.
******* Okay, so I made this up. But it is extrapolated from the others.
Thanks to ThePeoplesCube.com for the image.