Sabbath Update

I thought I'd log in to update you on the status of my new Sabbath practice. Today marks my fourth sabbath observance and I would say it is going...okay. So far, it stands as follows:

Pros:
*Actually having scheduled time off to look forward to rather than working 24/7 and being pissed about it.
*Being about to count on an evening each week set aside for a nice dinner and evening with the Beloved.
*Being able to take time to read for pleasure without feeling guilty that I'm slacking off all my other tasks.
*Blogging.
*Reading scripture for personal edification rather than teaching and preaching, something I haven't found time to do since I was about 15.
*Establishing a sabbath (and putting it on my calender) actually makes me feel as though I have an excuse to say no to stuff, which in turn allows me to manage my work load.
*The house gets cleaned every Thursday afternoon, pre-Sabbath, which means that I am less stressed about finding time to do it the rest of the week.
*It's nice to light candles and stuff.
*I do actually sense the slightest increase in my ability to live in the present and be aware of things. This may also be a change in diet that involves drinking less coffee, but who knows?

Cons:
*What do I actually do all day? Something I have not yet figured out. If I do normal stuff, I feel like I'm not being holy enough (which is a completely ridiculous thing to think, but it's what I think). If I do holy stuff, I feel like I'm being inauthentic and ridiculous. I'm not a nun, you know. (You might not know, but I'm not.)
*What do I NOT do? Something I have not yet figured out. I don't want to do work (including housework) but what about doing the dishes from the nice dinner we made? Or what about packing to go on a trip on Friday night or Saturday? I don't want it to be time to just "get stuff done" but what if that "stuff" is stuff I find really edifying, like reading the book club book or the latest issue of Christian century? Can I check my email? What if I promise to respond only to personal things? Is it still work if I see the other "work-related" emails in my inbox but don't respond? All important questions with no answers yet. Though I do find solace in the fact that serious Jews have been asking these questions and answering them for 4000 years and are still thinking about it.
*I do spend the last 12 hours of the 24 hour sabbath being anxious about all the stuff I have to do the minute the Sabbath is over. Which is precisely not what I'm supposed to be doing.
*I vacilate back and forth between feeling like I should have two Sabbath days (God needed one off, and we're mere humans! Don't we need twice as many!) and feeling as though I can't possibly actually take this time off there is so much to do!
*It is actually really hard to not feel needed or productive for 24 hours in a row. I think there's a word for this (humility? is it?), but whatever it's called I know I don't love the feeling.
*Once the fall gets underway in earnest, I think I'll have to cut down on each side to make room for other stuff that is "must" in life, which is paradoxical.

All that said, I think I am going to stick with it for a while and see how it goes. For now, Shabbat Shalom again!